I dig the pointy beard.
All mankind is of one author, and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated…As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon, calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come: so this bell calls us all: but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness….No man is an island, entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
-John Donne,
Devotions Upon Emergent Occasions, Meditation XVII
This really never connected with me until recently. I mean, I got it in that I understood what he was saying, but I really never appreciated it on multiple levels. Strip away Donne’s Christianity (and all spirituality) and strip away the theme of death, and the passage still has meaning. Especially one of the two oft-quoted ’soundbytes’:
No man is an island.
Well I’ll be damned if I didn’t give it a good run there in my 20s and early 30s, but he’s right. Isolation is one hell of a punishment. There’s something to be said for self-suffiency and -reliance, but looking back on it compared to what I have now, I never want that kind of lonliness again. A few examples:
1) At my old job, I was responsible for about 23 brazillion things with no one to help me or back me up. The job wasn’t exactly important in the grand scheme of things, but there were still dire consequences for me if I failed. I would sometimes go entire days without speaking to another human being at work. I was an island. Now at my new job, I have just a few responsibilities, and I have coworkers who can help me, and who in turn I can assist. I also get to have conversations with coworkers, which livens the days quite a bit.
2) Previously, if I wanted to make positive changes in my life, I was on my own to do it. And I failed pretty much every time. Now, Janice has been awesome about helping me set up a plan (and motivating me to stick to it when I lapse) for things like exercise and diet. Having someone there who wants me to succeed is an incredible help. It’s a booster shot to my will power. She also genuinely wants me to be happy, and I can tell. She has opinions about what clothes would make me look better and she gives me gifts just because she wants to. These are things I used to think weren’t important, but that’s because I’d never had anyone do things like that for me before, not even my own family.
3) My friends here are actually open to trying some healthy adult activities like bowling (which we did in a join birthday celebration for Jason and myself this past weekend) and game night (which is coming up Wednesday, where we’ll play Trivial Pursuit, yet another awesome Christmas gift from Janice). That stuff never flew before. Awesome.
The great thing about this is that it can feed on itself. When I benefit from all this teamwork, it makes me want to pitch in even more. I want to pick up slack when my coworkers are stuck or sick. I want to help Janice attain her goals and make her happy. And I want to enjoy more activities that my friends might suggest.
I may want to live on a tropical island someday, but I’ll never be an island again.
